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After the last post, I signed off and walked to a convenience store. I didn't really need anything; I just wanted to get out of the house. I was going to take the bus to the Strip and hang around there until it got dark, but decided against that. For one thing, it won't be dark for another four hours or so, and I'd get bored just standing around watching the casino signs. I would like to go at night, to watch the fountains at Bellagio. Last time I was here, I found it relaxing and amusing all at the same time. Plus, I really don't want to ride the bus at night, not yet anyway, and my friend doesn't get off work til midnight or later tonight.

So, I walked to the convenience store that's just down the street. I thought the heat would be unbearable, but it was actually a pleasant little walk that was ruined by my buying a candy bar and a powerade, both of which are super high in carbs, but I felt bad about going in and not getting anything, and I've got plenty of water here at the house and they didn't have any pork rinds and their beef jerky looked all icky and I am totally making up excuses aren't I?

I'm going to have to do that again, take a little walk. There's a shopping center not much further, down the other way, with a dollar store that I might try going to. I was going to do that today, but I didn't feel like crossing Boulder Hwy. The light doesn't last long enough and I end up having to run as fast as I can to get to the other side before the cars start coming. I suppose they'll wait for me, but I don't want to take a chance. It's also one of the reasons I didn't want to ride the bus--you have to cross Boulder to get to the bus stop for the northbound bus.

Maybe tomorrow morning, if my friend has to work again, I'll try it out. Get something other than balonga. I'm really starting to hate balogna. I wish I could cook...well, I can cook, I just don't want to, so I suppose I get what I deserve.

I've been watching a lot of network tv lately, since I don't have cable, and Dr. Phil is my new hero. I've also been watching Numb3rs, which I had heard about but didn't know the date or time that it came on. Last night was the third episode I've caught, and I just then figured out Don and Charlie were brothers--right before Don confirms it. Anyway, I am now hooked and have to see it every week from now on or I will go insane. It makes up for me missing Dr. Who.

Bones and House, I definitely still watch. So, that's three shows that have me in their thrall, though none of them have given me a plot bunny (thank goodness).

Actually, I haven't had any plot bunnies recently, whatsoever. The ones I did have seem to have fled to some deep dark corner of my mind where, no doubt, they are breeding and planning on a seige of my brain at some point in the future. I welcome the respite, as I couldn't write anything worthwhile right now if my life depended on it. I was supposed to write a paragraph about why I wanted the position I applied for and this is what I gave. "I need a job and I like customer service." I guess I need to go back to school and learn what constitutes a paragraph.

School! Oh yeah! There's plenty of schools around here for me to choose from, once I've got some money coming in. I just don't know whether I want to continue on and get a bachelors degree in the field I'm already in, or go a whole other route. This is what messed me up in the first place, not having a direction in my life, but well, that's just how it is. I love to do so many things that I can't decide what I want to do more, except maybe write a book. That thought is always in the back of my mind (cuddling with the plot bunnies and encouraging them in their destructive ways), and one day I will sit down and do it. Just do it.

I suppose the main problem is that I feel guilty putting everything aside, just to write. Even when I was given 'permission', I still felt guilty, probably because of how it was put.

Oh yeah, that reminds me...my aunt has decided to sell my car to my sister...only she's still going to charge me three hundred dollars! When my other sister told me, the first words out of my mouth were "bull shit". I owe that bitch nothing, especially after finding out she paid my brother's rent and didn't expect him to ever pay her back. I've quit calling my sister, because that's all she talks about--the problems I ran away from. I need to focus on what I'm doing with my life before I worry about my family, what I should have done since graduating high school. I could have gone out of state, I had a full one year scholarship to a school of my choosing, I just chose not to use it.

Okay, this keyboard is in the wrong spot and my fingers are starting to cramp up, so I'm through rambling on about nothing for now. Peace out, yo. XD

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
murdocsangel
May. 12th, 2006 12:03 pm (UTC)
*glomp*
weirfan
May. 7th, 2006 07:31 pm (UTC)
Hey! Great to see you again, that's all I can say, good that things sound like they're getting better.
murdocsangel
May. 12th, 2006 12:04 pm (UTC)
thanks :)
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )