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Ahoj!

Update! I like to update! Yes! I do!

I went to the store today, to get some sugar and things--having to borrow money from a friend who actually owes me money, come to think of it--and the bag of sugar cut my finger! It had a razor sharp edge on the bag! I just barely touched it, and it cut me!


I'm broke now. I did have plenty of money to last for a couple of months at least. Only guess what? My mother has to have cigarettes or she'll go insane, literally. While her medical doctor tells her to quit, her psychiatrist tells her that it's okay to have them if she really thinks she needs them.

And since all her disability money goes to paying utility bills, I'm the one who has to support her. Never mind that we need food, like milk and eggs and stuff; she's got to have those cylindrical paper objects filled with tobacco--even if it means we all go hungry. And by 'we all' I mean my sister, her son, my mother and me. Because I'm somehow paying for their food too, because Zak eats everything his mother buys in one day.

She also wants me to go out looking for jobs instead of online. Well, if I didn't have to pay for the cigs, I'd have gas money, wouldn't I? Obviously, she didn't take that suggestion very well. Told me I was ungrateful for all the years she'd raised me.

Fine, I'm ungrateful.

I quite graciously did not bring up the fact that my older sister told me about how she once tried to blow the whole house up when I was four years old, just because she was tired of my baby brother screaming--a tale actually verified by my grandmother.

And another time, two years later, when she stuck her head in the oven and had to be taken to a mental hospital, leaving us with an abusive father who was always out on the road and one sister to take care of us--the other one was out doing drugs and getting laid by whatever guy she came across.

I sometimes wonder what my grandmother and aunt--both on my mother's side--were thinking. Why they left us there, especially after my parents got divorced and my mom got custody because my dad was proven to have beaten my brother's bottom black and blue.

I don't think anybody ever called CPS on her.

If I were better with people, I'd leave here tonight and go find somewhere else to live. Because I'd have a job by now, or I wouldnt' have got fired from Wal-mart, or I never would have worked at Wal-mart, because I would've had a job in my field already.

But I'm not. I'm just a whiner who's too lazy to get up and do something to change her life.

M.A.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
murdocsangel
Dec. 1st, 2005 07:52 pm (UTC)
*glomps*

You're right :)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )