murdocsangel (murdocsangel) wrote,

Fic: Do Try Not to Do

Title: Do Try Not to Do
Author: MurdocsAngel
Paring: Weir/Zelenka
Rating: K
Summary: Radek is haunted by a little green man.
Disclaimer: I don't own anybody in this...

A/N: This is in response to the Spam Subject Line Lightning Fic-o-rama. Here's hoping you like.

The lab was fairly quiet at this time of night, with most of the scientists gone to their quarters or working in another lab, leaving Radek alone to his thoughts as he fiddled with the settings on his laptop to record the data from the artifact that Major Lorne's team had brought back from a recent mission. So far, all anyone could tell was that it gave off an itermittant burst of energy at random moments in time. There was no writing on it, and none had been found on the planet it had been taken from, making Radek wonder if Kavanagh--who had been forced to go with Lorne's team that day--had just grabbed the first interesting looking thing to bring back to make himself look better.

Unworthy thoughts, perhaps, but after nearly being fried with the man in a freak lightning accident, Radek was in no mood to be charitable. Kavanagh had just left him there, saving his own hide first--which again, Radek couldn't fault--many on Atlantis would do the same. However, it had been his life on the line, so he was allowed to be biased about it.

A low hissing noise rose from somewhere in the vicinity, bringing Radek out of his thoughts to glance around the lab. He frowned as the noise grew in intensity, but he couldn't quite tell where it came from, only that it was somewhere in front of him.

He leaned forward in the chair until he was almost laying on the desk in front of him as he tried to identify the source of the sound; it abruptly stopped. Brow furrowing further, he started to sit back up when a flash of white light enveloped his vision. When his sight cleared he was no longer sitting in the lab; he was instead, in a large room with a domed ceiling. The walls were lined with shelves all the way around, and he thought perhaps they held books, but he couldn't be certain because his attention was soon taken up by a small green man who had jabbed his shin with a stick.


Scowling as he rubbed his shin, Radek began muttering curses in his native language, wondering what he'd done to deserve such treatment.

"Listen you will, young Padawan," the small green man replied evenly, as if strange people appearing out of thin air were an everyday occurance here, wherever here was, "the Dark Side does not want you to have the lowest interest in the universe. You must fight the Dark Side and allow me to refiance your home."

Radek stared at the wizened little green man incredulously, thrown even more off guard than he had been, and was promptly smacked in the same shin, prompting more cursing. "Why do you do this? I do not even..." he jumped to the side before he could be hit again, and raised his hands in a placating manner. "I do not have house..."

"So." The green man nodded, "Close to the Dark Side you are. Sense it I can." From somewhere within the robes hanging off the slight form, the green man pulled out a huge stack of papers, looking to be the same amount as was in four full phone books. "Fill these out you will, if go to the Dark Side you do." With a flourish, he pulled another paper from his robes, this time just a single sheet. "Simple to sign, if with Yoda you trust."

Radek slowly backed away from the green man, Yoda, he supposed, eyes wide with apprehension. Obviously he was having some kind of delusion (he hoped), and would surely wake up soon enough (he hoped).

As if in response to his thoughts, Yoda and the library faded, and Radek found himself staring up at Elizabeth's concerned face. Relief flooded through him and he smiled to reassure her, though nervous that she had been the one to find him. He never seemed to know what to say to her unless there was an emergency or it was work related. However, thoughts of all kinds fled his mind with what happened next.

Elizabeth smiled back, then leaned down and kissed him. Passionately. Of course, he responded, after only slight hesitation, having dreamt of this many times. He put his hands on her head, threading his fingers through her hair, reveling at the texture, wanting more as their tongues met...


The moment was broken by the sharp rap on his shin, and he reluctantly looked away from Elizabeth--who didn't look very happy with the interruption either--to find himself staring once more at Yoda, the small green man. Realization also hit that he was still not on Atlantis, but instead in a large bedroom with white washed walls and quaint curtains lining windows that were more of an Earth style. Along with realization came crushing disappointment--just another dream after all.

"The prices raised, with the Dark Side are," Yoda intoned wisely, "if married you are, but sign one name only. Resist the Dark Side you must, young Padawan."

"I must do nothing!" Radek spat, irritated. Even if this was only a dream, the little green man could have waited just a few moments more before interrupting.

As before, everything faded and Radek found himself in a different place. This time, he was standing on a hillside looking down onto rows upon rows of grapevines. He frowned and covered his eyes to protect them from the bright sun as he looked around, trying to determine what was going on.

"Hey there," a soft, almost purring voice whispered from behind him, "great spot for building, no?"

Steeling himself, he turned to see Elizabeth wearing a black strapless dress, no shoes and holding a bottle of wine. He sighed as he looked at her, wishing that this were an actual scenario, but knowing that this would never happen--even if by some miracle he found the courage to go after his crush in any way. Atlantis was home, and it would be until, well until.

He turned away before he did something, concentrating on Atlantis, on getting back home, and jumping out of the way just before Yoda hit him with his little stick again.

All the anger and frustration he'd been feeling built up and he let it out, letting the little green man know exactly what he thought. "I do not want to refinance my home! I have good home! I want to GO home!" Well, sort of.

The grapevines, Elizabeth and Yoda abruptly disappeared as Radek awoke to a soft touch on his shoulder. He blinked rapidly, relieved to find himself in the lab and to learn that he had simply fallen asleep while recording the data from the artifact. Relief that faded when he realized it was Elizabeth who had woken him, and was gazing at him in concern.

"You should go to bed, Radek, you've been working longer than even Rodney today," Elizabeth said, standing at a professional yet friendly distance that both reassured and disappointed him, "I'll make that an order if I have to." Her lips quirked up in that little half smile that always caused his heart to beat faster.

He nodded, returning her smile, then looked back at the device which was just finishing one of its power spikes. Radek frowned, but decided that it didn't have anything to do with what he had dreamt about and unhooked his laptop from it. Biting his lip, he looked back up at Elizabeth and with barely a stutter asked, "W..would you care to walk with me?"

"I'd love to," she nodded and he stood up hastily, carrying the laptop with him as he walked with her to the door.

It was of course his imagination that he heard a soft chuckle and a "strong with the force, you are, young Padawan."

The End

Spam line was: Let Yoda Refinance Your House!

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